Beautiful words by author Tim Keller that have really spoken to me recently: "We are more sinful & flawed than we ever dared to believe and at the same time more loved & accepted in Jesus than we ever dared hope."
I can't believe my first year of ministry is almost complete. God has taught me a lot this year and I want to stop and reflect on two themes that I have found. Thank you for all of your prayer support and your faithfulness to all God is doing in me and in my students. I am so blessed to serve the Lord in this way. The fruit that was born this year is all because of him! Here are my thoughts on this past year.
Identity - We all find
our identity and worth from something. As a Christian, I proclaim
to find my identity in Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for me on the
cross. God has challenged me in this area by continually asking me where I
really find my identity. When my students fail a test, do I doubt my
ability to be a teacher? When my students disobey, do I doubt my ability
to be shepherding their hearts? When I don't feel like running and taking
care of my body, do I feel bad about myself? When I loose my patience
with someone, do I doubt that Christ is working in me? When I want to
have alone time and not be social, am I being a horrible friend?Elyse Fitzpatrick says, "Failing to concentrate on God's love for us isn't a trivial thing. It will always eventuate in apathetic living. Only the gospel can so invigorate us that we burn with ardor for him in all that we do." (Because He Loves Me)
While reading this book, God has taught me to look at gospel declarations and obligations. They are both important. Gospel declarations say who God is and what he promises for his people. Gospel obligations are what God calls his people to do. Sometimes, I focus so much on the gospel obligations that I leave Jesus out of the picture. I try so hard on my own to live the Christian life by following rules and turning it into a "Do and Don't" list. I needed to connect the relationship between who I already am (in Christ) with how God has called me to live.
It's about finding my identity not in my teaching, or ability to connect
with students or how well I deal with parents. My students are all such
wonderful, little sinners :-) I say this in a good way - because it frees
me from relying on myself and submitting their hearts to Jesus. He is the
only one who can really change their hearts and make them more like
him. When I read a verse like Phil. 2:12-13 which says, "
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my
presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and
trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his
good pleasure." - I can remember that what I am obligated to do (obedience,
work out my own own salvation) is only possible by what is declared by the
gospel in this verse (that it is God, who works in you, to both will and work
for his good pleasure). My perspective is slowly changing - and I am praying that God continues to form my DAILY IDENTITY to be fully centered on him :-)
Introversion - A lot of missionaries are expected to be these outgoing personalities willing to serve in EVERY capacity and to go to help at EVERY event or to be willing to share/talk about your faith or evangelize EVERY where you go. While I am willing to do these things, God is really teaching me about my own personality that he gave me and how ministry looks like for me. I feel pressure (and my sinful nature causes me to compare to others). Many times, I question whether or not I can do what the Lord is calling me to here in Colombia: balancing teaching, (lesson planning, grading), shepherding students, leading elementary chapel time, time with families, social time with teachers, getting involved in church, time with friends from church, keeping in touch with people back home, blogging to tell all the stories of what God is doing...
I love all of these things, but in order for me to do them all I need some down time to myself to reflect. God is teaching me even more about what it means to minister with the personality that God gave me. I enjoy spending time with my students and friends, but I began to feel horrible when I would opt out of social invitations.
Here are a few excerpts from a book I read last year called Introverts in the Church - Finding our Place in an Extroverted Culture by Adam McHugh that have been brought back to my mind and heart:
- Introverts are rarely content with surface level relationship and do not generally consider acquaintances to be friends. We may find small talk to be disagreeable and tiring. Because we often prefer to spend time in one-on-one interactions, rather than group socializing, our relationships can run deeper. Introverts treasure the close relationships they have stretched so much to make, and will dedicate themselves to keeping them and nurturing them
- The bonds of intimacy are built in the uncertainty of open-endedness and messiness of our process. It's in the process that we are the most vulnerable, and if we allow other that we trust to see those parts of us, we find deeper connections and empathy with each other. We allow others to participate in our decisions, and on the deeper levels, we begin to share our lives with each other and to have our hearts woven together.
- Introverted evangelism looks different. A quote in the book from Eugene Peterson is:
The question I put to myself is not "How many people have you spoken to about Christ this week?" but "How many people have I listened to in Christ this week?"
Praying that next year, God would continue to teach me more about my God given personality and that I would fully invest and listen to the people that he wants me to invest in :-0 Praying that God would open my heart to even closer relationships where we can really do ministry together in the years to come.
Prayers/Praises:
Safe travels back to the Chicago Area on June 4th!!! For a refreshing summer visit back home - that I would be able to balance work/business items that I need to get accomplished and also have time to spend time with my family and friends who I miss so much!
Support raising for year two - please be praying for who God would send to partner with me in ministry for year two. If you are already a financial or prayer supporter, thank you! Please look for a re-commitment card as soon as I arrive home if you are interested in continuing to support the Lord's work here in Bogota.
Possible special education teacher, Geneva, who has expressed interest in coming down next year! Please pray that God would show her clear direction on where he would like her to be next school year - and I am hoping that it includes joining the elementary team to help with special education at ECA!
For the reconciliation of friendships that is going on between students and even parents/families in my class - Praise God!!
That God would give me a fresh vision for how I can be an even better teacher for next year - creative changes are always good :-0
Pressing on,
Carrie
