For Such A Time As This...

Celebrating my 31st birthday!

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him."  Acts 17:26-27

This year has been about stretching my spiritual muscles.  There have been many tests of faith that I have experienced and have had to struggle through.  My class this year has tested my teaching, my classroom management, and challenged me to rely on Jesus (and not myself) in every way.  On really hard days, they have challenged me to ask myself, "Where does my joy come from?"  I've been challenged in relying on God to provide when a very close friend from back home did not seem to be able to keep up our friendship since I had moved here in the way that I was desiring.  Rejection, loneliness, and sadness crept in as this situation with my friend took me by surprise.  I knew following God came with sacrifices, but this one felt like God was asking too much!  During this hard time, God challenged me to ask myself, "Where does my joy come from?"  These challenges and tests of faith have swiped my joy this year.  In some ways, this year has been a lot harder than the last.  When looking at these circumstances, I started to think that maybe my heart was not in the ministry here anymore.  If ministry was this hard, then maybe I need to really ask myself if it's still the place for me to serve.  My prayer for making my decision for next year became, "Lord, if you want me to stay, please captivate my heart w/ joy for this place like never before.  Please turn my heart to truly desire being here."

Birthday Party w/ my wonderful parents and students!

In some ways, maybe these challenges were teaching me to love being here even when it's hard.  Lately, I have been studying the book of Esther.  In my morning devotion this past week, something challenged me and caused my perspective to change.  Here are some words form Beth Moore as she speaks about Esther's decision to risk her life for her people and go talk to the King:

Queen Esther

"Do not think to yourself that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews.  For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish.  And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"   Esther 4:13-14

The harsh truth about Mordecai's exhortation applies to us.  We can refuse to walk in obedience to God or cower in fear from our calling and He will undoubtedly still accomplish His agenda.  As for us, we will pass up the fulfillment of our own entire life-purpose and we - and perhaps even our "father's family" - will miss a mighty work.  Frighteningly, perhaps even a mighty deliverance.  One of our biggest obstacles in our most important moments "for such a time as this" is the difficulty of the destiny-serving task.

Every giant-sized weight drops into our lap right on schedule.  None of our purposes will be fulfilled easily.  All of them will require the most difficult decisions we think we can make.  Decisions that we feel will practically kill us.  Then God does something miraculous and we become something we're not.  That's when "who knows" becomes "I know."

At some of the hardest times in my life, I have been able to make the more difficult decision choice out of pure blind-eyed, bent-kneed acceptance that it was somehow part of a greater plan.  I was beaten by a conviction that throbbed relentlessly against my strong self-centeredness.   As much as my flesh wanted relief, I knew that when all was said and done, I'd sit on that side of glory having much rather fulfilled my calling that served myself all the way to meaninglessness.  I had to accept that I was not called to an easy life.  I was called to purposeful life.

Beth Moore - Esther: It's Tough Being A Woman - pg. 97-98

Making my decision:
These words from Beth Moore and the words of God in the book of Esther made me refocus on the purpose for being here in Colombia.   While this year has been hard, I feel like in some ways it has been stretching my spiritual muscles and my faith.  I was ready to make the easier decision of returning to my family (which isn't a bad thing, but something my flesh really wanted) instead of staying and continuing the work God has for me here FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS :-0  The work God is doing at El Camino is part of a greater plan, far greater than I can see.

 

Lately, I have been reminded of one of my "battle ground" verses that I picked with my mentor a few years ago:

"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will."   Ephesians 1:11

God works out everything to conform to his will.  While talking with my mom last weekend and telling her that I was leaning toward staying, she finally told me that she knew I would return for a third year when I left this past July for the start of my second year.   God even worked out this detail of having confirmation from my mom, once I had decided on my own to stay one more year in Colombia. 

Thank you for all of your prayers and support through this decision!!   I am excited for what next year will hold.  The school has asked me about having a student teacher from Trinity Xian University in the Fall - and I have accepted this challenge. :-0  May his grace be abundant on me on this new endeavor!!

Love and Hugs!
Carrie